Devotion of Loneliness (Ch 1 - Poor Souls)

Pure souls, pure hearts, pure body! What people tried to find in this world was just not like that. What’s the different between illness and sickness? What’s the meaning of everything? If only people knew what they were really doing, then you’ll find the path to a new world, new destination with peaceful and loveliness. Learnt a lot of things in this world wasn’t that bad to think, but the result could be lost everything that you had already collected.

Part of the sky was part of us too. Leaving the body to find the purity of the soul was a not-easy thing to do. Guts, courage, and truth were needed. ‘Am I the Lost Soul?’ No one would say that unless they had something in their mind, but that’s truth for a while, just for a while.

One man, one soul. Poor of me, stuck in animal forms. God punished me for what I had done before. But being a cage bird wasn’t bad at all. You could see what people couldn’t see. Experience in life…

My life was stuck in a cage, but I learnt a lot there. I saw things about friendship and love. I learnt that friendship was hard and tough, not as easy as I think. And I also learnt that love is for a couple, cannot be just in one side.

It was just like today that I saw a miserable thing happened. My master was stuck in a fighting between Sean and Glenn. Stubborn head, just like fire and water, oil and water, black and white, this and that, etc. Since the first time they decided to become friends, I saw something bothering there. Something that was unusual inside their heart.

Although I wasn’t in a human form again, but I’d never lost my power to see the purity of the soul. It remained my past about my love soul. Why God punished me here… It was all about love. Using the gift from the God for myself was really a foolish thing.

Back to Sean, man of pride. Was it pride that was so high? Or was it arrogance that was so hell? Thinking that he was more than the others. No one would ever beat him. If he found somebody that had something more than him, he would do anything to destroy them. Why? I’d never seen such a foolish person like that. Most of the thing, he didn’t care about anyone and didn’t want to get any attention from others.

Different with Glenn, man of thoughtful. The way he thought and the way he acted was different from others. He cared a lot about Sean; you could say too much care. Why he wanted to do that? It was just because he wanted someone to care to him too. Was it worth? Trying to do something that you didn’t even know the result.

I was just wondering, if me, who had nothing to do with them, was cared a lot about the situation. Then, how about my master, who was their best friend? It was so complicated to me and of course to my master.

Seeing things like that made me sick. At night, I opened the cage using my teeth and finally I decided to run away. Flew through the darkness finding the way out, and listen to the sound of the wind. In my mind, I just thought that I had to find the truth meaning of my form. It was really hard to believe, but I had decided not to go more further with them. I want to help Sean and Glenn but what can I do? I was just a bird and a bird was just nothing in their eyes. I was really sad for my master who could not run away from them. If only I could have helped my master… But I had my own problems that I had to finish. I promised to myself that I would come back to them if I had finished my own problems.

I just don’t know when, I just know that I had to finish it fast or else I would never find the way out. That was why I had to do this. Seeing Glenn and Sean having such a big problems like that made me thinking about my own problems.

My purity of soul that I had thrown away long time ago was really made me sick. I didn’t even know what am I doing that time, I just knew that I had made my parents disappointed. Was it me who was wrong at that time? I really didn’t know about that… It might just because I was so stupid that I did such a foolish thing like that. What kind of a person I was? People could die because they want to die, but people could not choose when they would be dead!

Lots of things appeared in my mind, it was just like a brainstorming. Why something like this could be possibly happening. Was it because my soul was so full of cracks, or just because I was just such a suck personality?

Devotion of Loneliness (Ch 2 - Charity and Strength)

Other continent, I finally found some coffins there. I landed on one of the coffins and really unpredictable that the coffin, which I landed, was making a big sparkles of lights.

‘Tim, I’ve been waiting for you.’ A shadow of a woman emerged from the coffin. She pointed at me and changed my shape into a man again, a pure man.

‘Long time no see Tim. You’ve finally come back to get your own body right J?’ Asked the woman.

Tim walked approach her and hold the hand of that shadow woman. ‘It’s not like what you think, Sasie. I just need more time to think about our time. ‘ Just after Tim held his hand to Sasie, she made a form of a human being again too.

‘Yeah Tim, I know that. I see your life from the sky and I also see the feeling of your master. He’s so unbeatable, but have a broken soul.’

Tim saw deeply inside Sasie’s eyes, ‘Illness that only can be cured by love… I know his feeling. He didn’t find something to love but he needs that love. Because we know that love is patient, love is kind, and also everything.’

‘Hope all things can be cleared up my Dear, Tim. I can see that you already see why you are here for.’ After said that, Sasie’s gone and Tim changed back into a bird.

Bird in the cage, Freedom is hard to explain, hard to be done, and hard to understand. Why do people care? Why do people hate? Why do people have to believe in something?

Just like Tim, finding the truth about his existence. Wondering about the outside world. Finding the truth about him and about love. Why did his master like that? Hate everything in this world… Cannot understand about the truth of love and life.

Charity and Strength, those two should have planted in people hearts. Why do people thought nonsense?

I flew back home to my cage and then I saw difference in life. I didn’t even recognize him as my master. He’s so different, so lonely, and so sad. I looked around and I couldn’t found anything but him. I wanted to help him but he just seem didn’t care about anything else.

What happened to him? I didn’t even see Sean and Glenn anymore. They were gone into nowhere. My Master just sat in front of the computer and saw nothing. Many times he just said one word, ‘Leena’ and then he cried. Everyday he just cried and did nothing.

Inside his heart I could see that he loved that girl so much. First at all I thought that Love would never ends. However I was wrong. Love didn’t bear all things, didn’t believe all things, and didn’t endure all things. Love could be beatable. I loved Sasie and believed in everything that we were unseparatable, but seeing my master like that is ruined everything that I believed.

I was sick of this. Seeing the girl said that she hated my master so much, making my master really broken. He just liked a piece of junks and useless right now. I do want to cry but I couldn’t because my heart was burning.

‘God if you send me for him, what should I do? I’m useless in this form. I couldn’t help him.’

Suddenly my body was lightening up then I was thrown away into my master heart. Lots of junks there, but there were one thing I found it there. It was his soul that I should have taken it back into its proper place. I walked into it and looked into his soul.

Devotion of Loneliness (Ch 3 - Care to be Cared)

Finally I found my master in his memories, ‘I knew this time will come someday. I’m just too afraid to accept the truth. From the first time I was with her, it was just one side… just I alone. I don’t know why but I do love her very much. It seemed that she was so closed to me. How could I ignore that, she was so kind to me, she helped everything that I need.

However, since I was with her, I could see that she didn’t always happy. She just trapped inside me and couldn’t go away. Trying to escape but hard to say. I tried to understand her many times but it just a big fail. Once she was surprised because my roommate knew about us, then she wanted to broke up. Next because of our friends didn’t like us to be together, then she wanted to broke up again.

Lots of things happened from day to day… Computer laboratory accidents, Video games, staring at other people and everything. Everything that I had tried to make her happy is always failed. I tried everyday; I tried to change just to have her love. I do really love her; I don’t want to be separated by anything else. But what can I do…

For her, being alone is happier than being together. I just hoped that she wanted to be back with me. I just don’t know what she was thinking about me. She just hated me that much, so I should be like bugs around her and the one that should have been avoided a long time ago.’

When Tim saw his master memories, she was just nothing but surprised. His memory was different than before. Before was just about his friends but now his mind was full of love and broken. ‘His heart is so broken, how can I help him…’

The next minute Tim was awake in his cage again. He awake and saw just the same thing. Just a dead man living sat on a chair in front of a computer.

Not only life is imperfect, but also love is also imperfect… Devotion of loneliness, is it the best thing to live? Would it be possible for a man or a woman just to leave alone without anyone? However, that’s the only possibility in life.

If only I was being born again. I will have to care about this love and friendship. I have to learn a lot about this. The most important thing in the world is because of care. But care is hard because there is always a mistake. If there is already a mistake, something that is perfect will become imperfect.

‘What a life… Need some more time…’

‘So you have understand that Tim? Then shall you be born again…’ a sound from the skies appeared and I realized that my life is now being born again.

THE END

Who said that love is never ends?

Who said that love is patient?

Who said that love is kind?

Who said that love is everything?

Is it the devotion of loneliness?

Every time…

Everyday…

Till the end of the time…

Way of Life (Ch 1 - Midnight Prayer)

‘So this is the city I destined, Niert…!’ that boy walked through the airport into a small cab. The road was very crowded. The skies were orange showing that the sun was almost sleeping. Every people yelled about something that the kid was really hard to understand. He was really in a city with different languages and also different cultures.

A long the way to his new home with new parents were really excited him. The cab driver was talking about a lot of things all the way. But because of that, he learnt a little about this new city and also his new home. But it would be very hard for him to think right now.

Back to the past, in his homeland, there was a boy prayed all night without knowing what he had been praying for. From people eyes, that kid should have lived happily with a good family. But behind that scene, who knows? J

‘Weird isn’t it? Life is full of obstacles! Hey kiddo’, I heard your place was sunk. How could you survived?’ asked the cab driver.

That kid stared at him and glanced outside the window, ‘That’s life man. Don’t you realize it? It means, that was just not my time. He knows what he was doing to me. It really means something…’

‘Huh! Kids nowadays, think well please! This is real world boy, and there’s nothing that such things in this world. People have to be mature by it’s own decision. Maybe your decision to sleep at the cupboard was right that time. I think it’s just lucky though J’

That kid smiled, then he asked to stop the cab in the intersection. ‘Yeah maybe it’s just lucky. But not lucky because I’m a lucky boy. It’s lucky because ‘THEY’ told me to do that. Nice to meet you old man, someday you’ll find your own answered.’ After that, he walked into the crowded.

The cab driver looked a bit confused. He thought for a while and kept watching on that kid. ‘He really is something…! God, did you send him to me? But why on that child? I don’t understand… Is it my time? I’m old enough to die, but seeing that child make me felt guilty for what I’ve done for my whole life.’

Meaning of life? What’s the meaning of life if we lived in the world that we don’t really care and we don’t really adore?

A year had passed and there was nothing changed in Niert, even the cab driver. He was still alive and it looked like that he still tried to find the answer of his life.

Back to the airport, today he picked up another boy, ‘Hey kiddo’, why are you so sad?’

‘Glad for you old man. You have old enough to work. But me? I’ve to school here and my parents were very strict. If only I had something in my life, it won’t be happened.’

The cab driver was startled with those words. He then remembered a year ago, about his conservation with the kid who had the same age with the kid behind him right now. In his heart, ‘Find my own answered? I was like that before… I don’t like to school, I just wanted to be mature and started to work. But what I found was this. I’m angry to God and started to forget about His presence.’

‘Hey kiddo’, don’t think like that. There should be a lot of things to do. I know your feeling, but life is hard, it’s even harder than you ever imagine. Here, in this town, you should find a boy who was a year older than you. Trust me that he can lead you to your own path. Hard to find that boy, but he was the only survivor of Terra Sunker a year ago.’

After the kid thanked him, the cab driver drove away. He had a lot of things in his mind. ‘Why the God punish me to become a cab driver who has nothing? Why should I live? I lived for nothing! What’s the fate lies within me?’

Few years had gone. That cab driver was really old right now, but he still believed in his fate as a cab driver. He won’t stop until he found a way to know the truth about his presence.

‘Hey old man! We meet again!’ yelled a boy he met before.

When that cab driver saw him, he couldn’t believe about what he saw. The boy, who was looked very sad, but now he looked very contented. ‘W… What happened to you kiddo’? How come you change only in a few years?’

‘Thanks to you I found that boy. Now I understand about my presence. I learnt something from him, and it was him who taught me to be like myself. By the way, I’ve to go now! See ya, old man!’

Way of Life (Ch 2 - Love and Beaten)

‘Poor him, Schlitter.’ Said a boy in a black jacket.

Another boy stood near him was crying for the tombstone in front of them. ‘Yeah Rawn, He was so kind to me. Although I only met him twice, but I know that he died without knowing what he lived for. I felt sorry for him. But because of him, I met you and I knew that I lived to fill my emptiness. There’s still a long way to do.’

‘It happened a lot of times. You just don’t realize it. People lived for nothing. They don’t know what they are doing. They just know how to live comfortable. When I was a little kid, people hated me and I didn’t have many friends. But loneliness is not everything. Because of that, He gave me that power to see… to see something that people cannot see. They taught me a lot of things since I was a little. The way of life, the way of thinking and also the way to be hated.’

Schlitter stood up and saw the sky, which is already full of stars. ‘Yeah, it’s lucky to be like you. In my case last year with that girl, I wouldn’t feel that way.’

‘That girl… I see that not only her, but you also had a pride. You don’t even dare to tell her the truth. You still kept something on her don’t you? J’

After heard that, Schlitter walked away. No words exited form his tongue and lips. He was just thinking a lot and felt sorry for the poor cab driver.

Rawn walked approach Schlitter, and in the car Schlitter cry again. ‘I remembered that the first time I met him I said glad to him because he was old enough to work. But then after I knew him more, I find the truth that the way of my first impression was wrong.’

‘Schlitter, the more you know someone the more you will understand his heart. You will find good and bad in his heart. You can also find painful and joy in his heart. Pray everyday is helpful though, but it has to be balanced. Feel the experience of this world. There are a lot of experiences that you haven’t had before. By the way, he is happy in his new place. Although he hasn’t found the answer of his life, but finally he found something that human won’t ever understand. I know because ‘THEY’ told me so. J’

Although Schlitter adore Rawn so much, but he still didn’t understand about the way of Rawn’s thinking. He did really want to find out why Rawn still listened to ‘THEIR’ words while he also believed in God.

‘I know what you are thinking Schlitter, hehehehhehe!’

‘Hey, don’t try to read my mind man! You could be wrong, you know!’ yelled Schlitter surprised.

In the car Rawn closed his eyes then he slept.

‘Rawn, come on! Weak up, man! If you know what I was thinking then answer it, please!’

‘Hehehehehehehe, that’s who you are! Full of questions, afraid to ask. How can you be mature if you are afraid to ask about something?’

Schlitter stop the car at the edge and walk outside. He sat down on a big rock feeling the wind coming through him. ‘You are right! But you should have known why I became like this. If I saw something and curious about that I will try to find the answer and if I cannot find it by myself I will ask to the right person. But what have I done was really a big mistake.’

‘You are talking about that girl, aren’t you? I knew it and I think she should have known your feeling too. Just keep it calm okay!’

‘I was asking her before and he refused me. I knew it because I have that feeling. But next she was very closed to me. I really happy, but why she did that. I just didn’t understand till now.’

‘Yeah I knew it. There are just 2 possibilities, one is love and the other is debt. Maybe there’s another thing except that, but I don’t know either.’ Said Rawn

‘Hehehehehe, you are right Rawn. Love is impossible because she was refused me, and the second one is more acceptable. Bet even though because of debt, I don’t want her to be like that. People have their own life and I wanted her to have her own life too. Haven’t you think that if I who was had that debt and forced to go out with you Rawn, for example. I think I would feel very hard to accept that. I would be having no life.’

Rawn took a cigar from his pocket and started smoking. ‘So that’s your true feeling to me then… You just follow me because I help you with your problems? But that’s okay for me Schlitter, you don’t have to feel like that. I won’t tie you up. I knew that you would be leaving soon. It’s just a matter of time until we meet again. If you just stick around with me who has no life, you will be very disappointed.’

Way of Life (Ch 3 - Torn Apart)

When Schlitter heard that, he was really surprised. He had never realized that Rawn could say that such those words. ‘W…Why you think like that? We’ve friends for years and you say something like that! How cruel you are!’

‘Schlitter, from now on just go away for me okay. Enjoy your life with your other friends. There are so many things to do, just don’t waste your time for me because of that debt! You’re almost leaving this city and you’re still with me. How about your other friends?’

After Rawn said that, he walked on to the bus and left Schlitter alone.

‘I’m not finishing my story Rawn…’ said Schlitter in his heart. ‘It’s not because of that about the girl. I have a desire to have her but what can I do. She was refused me once so it would be impossible to have her again. I knew it since the first time she refused me, because of that when she was very kind to me, I just felt strange and I didn’t like if he was like that. My heart is happy but my feeling won’t feel happy for her. I understand you Rawn… You are just like me, feeling the same way as I felt for her that day, don’t you Rawn? Heheheheheh’

Schlitter drove his car home and that’s the last time he met with Rawn, one of his best friends for years.

At Rawn home, he was sitting on his chair and thinking a lot, while his tears kept falling down. ‘If only he knows that what I have done is just for his own good. I barely have any friends and friends of mine are just because they want something for me. But he is different. I don’t see that he wants something from me, he’s just my real friend and I’m looking forward to see him again.’

Rawn felt a sleep on that chair and he suddenly dreamed about his past. He remembered when he was a child, his mom was afraid of him because he always talked about such things that his mom couldn’t see, even feel it. She brought Rawn to many magicians but it just made Rawn became afraid of those magicians. Rawn was yelled at them and cursed them.

Even though her mother had slapped him, but that kid would never understand. He was not wrong, that power he had was come within his heart since he was born for the first time. So there is no need to be blame, but why people around him tried to seal the power within him. He just did not understand.

Rawn suddenly woke up and found his phone ringing. It was Schlitter who was looking for him. Rawn just stay calmed and wait till Schlitter talked in the voice mail, ‘Rawn, I won’t bother you again. Just tell me one thing! Why you keep calling on them while you believed in God! Please, I need your answer!’

Few days had passed and the departure of Schlitter is very near. Every day Rawn was just stayed at home and had nothing to do. He had no mood to walk outside even with his other friends. ‘Schlitter, I hope you are happy right now J, Even my heart is feeling not right till now. I still believe in you. I just feel very lonely because I haven’t heard any news from you since that day. I remembered that when I felt lonely, you sometimes could fill it even you don’t understand how much it means to me. But now, if you insist for the answer, I will tell you.’

At the last day before his departure, Schlitter called Rawn and this would be the last time they could talk each other. ‘Rawn, I won’t beg you anymore to tell the truth about why you still calling on them. I just want to say thank you for your support to me, I knew that sometimes people here are talking about you, but I’m just listening to them. Although I knew the truth about you, I was too afraid to tell them the truth. I afraid that they would hate me too if I said something, so I just keep quiet.’

‘Don’t be like that. That’s okay for me! If you insist to know why, I’ll tell you now. I believed in God, but Schlitter, I need friends! I really need friends that can understand about my life, about the truth of me. And people never care about that! I’m angry to them! I hate them, I hate everyone who hate me! But I couldn’t. My heart told me not to be angry to them because it’s not their fault! So I’m looking for friends that would understand about me and that’s a real friend. Till now, my real friends are ‘THEM’, I just can’t avoid that.’

Way of Life (Ch 4 - Destined of Life)

Hearing those words, Schlitter was crying. ‘If only I knew it before, it wouldn’t ever happened Rawn. I’m really sorry that I have to go! It’s just like last year to that girl. People who liked her were telling bad things about someone that could be obstacles for them. I was just like that, I wanted to do the same thing, but if I did that, my heart would feel not right. I just couldn’t do that. I don’t know I was wrong or not but I just couldn’t betray my other friends just because I knew that they were my obstacles.’

‘No, what you did is right. It’s probably right. But now I think I have found the answer Schlitter. If you want to know why I haven’t move from this city, it’s because I believed I could find that thing only here. It’s almost the time. I wanted to find the truth about what is a real friend, and I need that real friends not like what people did to me right now. If I have found that, I’m ready to leave this place.’

‘So? That’s why you? I should’ve known before, Rawn.’

‘Hehehehehhe, you want to say that’s why I like to see people life. To see what kind of persons they are. Yup, that’s the answer! I want to see if they can be a good friend for me or not! It’s not that I’m a curious guy, but I see how could they be like that, how can people talked about someone that bad, because if I knew the truth lies within that person I could know if he can be my friends or not!’

‘Time to go for me is also near! The answer what I found is here in front of my eyes. It is you Schlitter. I see you as my truth friend and I’m looking forward to see you again. Only you who can understand about me till now. You know more than any other people in this world about me, even my parents don’t know as much as you do.’

After a long conservation, Schlitter said good bye and it was the last time they met because Rawn also went away without any news. Although Schlitter tried to find him but he couldn’t because no one know where Rawn was gone.

Thanks to Rawn that Schlitter can learn about life and how to be a mature person. He continued his life without Rawn on his side, but he always remembered about what Rawn had said to him. The most important thing that went inside his mind was about real friends.

20 years after that Schlitter heard news about Rawn who had died because of some disease in a small city. He brought his child, Rex.

‘Rawn, So that’s true that you said that time would be our last chat. I’m really sorry. This is the second time that I really felt sorry to someone, after that cab driver.’

‘Dad, you don’t have to be so sad. Uncle Rawn said that he was really happy to meet you. To find a person like you.’ Said Rex.

Schlitter was a bit confused when Rex said that, ‘H…How do you know?’

‘He said that to me just a while ago J’ When Schlitter heard that, he cried then he hug Rex. ‘Thanks to you Rawn…’

~ ThE EnD ~

Real world... Is it true that he live in a real world? No one will ever understand life within his feeling. Are there something lies within his heart? Sadness? Guilty? Pride? Lie? Lonely? What he tried to find is not what every people think. But what he tried to find is something that's not easy to understand. Something beyond or above that we don't know and don't really care as humans...

When the life is like a straight line, it will never feel perfect. And as humans, we are full of wonders, predictions, questions, and also desires. When people try to find the truth about something that really unusual, they have to be ready to accept the truth and also the consequences for the results. It can be bad and it can be good, it can ruin your life, it can make fight, it can be everything...

Do we think amount is everything? What people think is really consisting just what they see in present. We also have to think 'bout his/her past and why he/she is like that... May be it's just a rumor though because they don't know well that someone they are talking about. Judging people is not from you see and what is your heart feeling, but judging people is really are coming from the truth of past and present, and also from that person feeling. It's really hard if you never understand that person you're talking about. Try to understand his/her heart and feeling, then you'll know if he/she is truly like that or not.